I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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