I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
