Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize