...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
