Will you blow on my dice?
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
