I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
