How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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