i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
