Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
