When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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