i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my shit smells like andre
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
