I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
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Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
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Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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