just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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