Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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