I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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