I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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