My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
