doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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