a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
