I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
