My nipple is on Facebook.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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