i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
