Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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