Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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