So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
