i think i have two assholes
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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