So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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