so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
