Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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