Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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