the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
