i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
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Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
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We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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