im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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