So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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