i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
