did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize