shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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