We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
