I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
