My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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