I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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