Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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