No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
