I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
