I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Im part way to drunk.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
