oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
