Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
