OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Found your dick twin last night
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
