PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
