I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
