my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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