new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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