Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
