Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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