The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
