Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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