dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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